I Think So

I think about everything- all the time.   I’m one of the those people who replays my days (and nights) over and over in my head, picking them through and rehashing conversations, body language, movies, news stories,  parties, anything is fair game.   I’m not sure why, but I have always been this way.  I mull, contemplate, ponder, consider, chew over- you name it.  This is a double-edged sword that caused me some problems when I was younger.  But in the end, I get to live everything twice (or three or four times) so it’s all good.  Well, mostly good anyway. 

When I was in my twenties, B.C. (Before Children), we would attend social functions all the time.  Okay, we partied a lot.  And at those parties there were many,many other people our age.  Sometimes there was drinking and stuff.  And a lot of off-the-wall conversations happened that are better forgotten.   Those conversation were often heated debates that ended in either a toast or a fight.  It was all the same to us then.  But when I would get home, in the stillness of the night, I would begin to think about something that was said to me, or even that I overheard someone say.  I would  think about it as if it was happening real time and I would think about what I would have, should have, could have said.  In the morning, poor hubby would have to listen to me rant about some inane comment that he either did not hear or forgot about.  He taught me as quickly as he could that picking things apart after the fact and then getting upset about them was an exercise in futility.  I used to get insulted by this, but realized over time that he was right.

For the most part though, re-thinking is a beneficial and valuable use of my down-time.  I always say that when I am a batty old lady (I’m thinking around the age of 114), I will be sitting on a porch in a rocking chair chuckling to myself over all the things I’ve done and seen.  Guess I’ve already started.   I catch myself going off into memoryland, and I’m sure if I was being videotaped, I’d have a gamut of expressions on my face as I go deep into it.  During these thought-full times, I often come up with just the line I wish I had said when the conversation first happened.  I am not always good at instant come-backs.  But hours later, oh look out.  Snap!  The perfect response!  If I called the person to whom I wish I had made this amazing retort and said, “By the way, boom!”, they probably would have no idea what I was talking about.  Oh well, in my thoughts I got them back but good.  I also spend time thinking about having  conversations with people that will never happen the way I hope.  I’m in my head that much.

Does everyone do this?  Based on what I see, I think many people don’t stop and think at all.  Ever. About anything.   I believe a fair amount of people are thought-full though.  I have lots of conversations that seem to show that I’m not the only one who spends time musing over things.  I apologize publicly to my children, who have all inherited this character flaw, if it is a flaw.  Let me think about that. 

About ordinarywomanextraordinarylife

I began writing at seven years old. My first rejection was from my mother who would not come off a nickel for a hand-published and self-illustrated scary story. Over thirty-seven years of teaching writing to elementary age children, I honed my skills in storytelling; which led to the completion of my first novel, Woven.
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